I've recently finished reading a book entitled, Renovation of the Church. It is written by two pastors, Kent Carlson & Mike Lueken, from a northern California church that began a journey some ten years ago to change the trajectory of their congregation.

My book is highlighted in several places; however, there is one set of paragraphs that has bubbled to the top for me this week.

Perhaps our greatest lesson from the past decade is that it is spiritually formative to be dissatisfied and unable to resolve that dissatisfaction. In fact, there is hardly a better catalyst for transformation than to not get what we want. Sitting in the dissatisfaction, without frantically trying to resolve it, can do wonders for a human soul.

When we don't get what we want, we are more acutely aware of eternity. We are more apt to remember God. We learn what it really means to trust him. We remember the bigger story. When we don't get what we want, we have to deal with our inner restlessness. We have to face ourselves and our addictions. We have to deal with the various "medications" we use to cope with life. When we started these changes at Oak Hills, we put spiritual formation on the front burner, and the first thing that we saw that needed to be transformed was this raging desire to always get what we want.

As I have talked with God about this issue in my own heart I’ve become aware of two wonderful things.

Perhaps for the first time, I feel not a shred of self-recrimination. Scripture records the tendency for mankind to seek our own way, beginning in Genesis. God never is the one discovering things about the state of my soul; I am. I am fully known and fully loved. That is an amazing reality.

Although I do not wish for discomfort or dissatisfaction, I find that the level of trust within my heart is substantial enough to consider the possibility without the familiar dread.

Both reveal to me that God has been at work filling up places in my soul that were once a bit hollow. This realization provides a deeper confidence that my next appointment with dissatisfaction will hit a less resistance in my heart. I am also hopeful there is a greater chance I’ll lean into the work God is doing rather than try to resolve it on my own and miss the opportunity to grow.

I also discovered peace where there once was only unrest.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7